Every path to parenthood is unique and special, often bringing generations of family together. Within the infertility community, many parents struggle to connect and share common feelings during the process of creating their families. Connection can be a bridge to resources and well-being, especially when it comes to financial burdens and stress. Jen Francis reflects on her experience navigating infertility alone and empowering other individuals who suffer from infertility to discover resources in the infertility community.
What is your connection with the infertility community?
I have to take a deep breath and inhale with that one. I have my own personal story as a woman who struggled with infertility. I waited until I was a little older to settle down. I put my career first, not knowing the reproductive consequences that would lie ahead. I was completely oblivious to the fact that my egg reserve was diminishing and the quality was not as robust as they once were. I met my husband, and we literally got married six months later. We were so excited to start a family. And then I went through about four years of struggles and after a series of miscarriages my OB was like, listen, I can’t help you anymore. She literally said, “There’s nothing more I can do. I think at this time, it’s important for you to see a fertility specialist.”
I then googled fertility clinics near me and found the closest doctor who was available. Looking back, this probably wasn’t the smartest way to find a doctor, but we didn’t know any better. Once we met with this doctor and did all of our diagnostic testing they gave us the infamous unexplained diagnosis, but due to our age, they recommended we jump right into IVF and also get genetic testing done.
For us, this was great news. We had answers and a plan….but shortly after our consult we found ourselves in a very sterile, uninviting room as we waited to meet with the billing coordinator and we found out that we didn’t have any coverage and they were expecting us to go through 4 rounds of IVF and that would require upwards of $100,000. This was a huge blow to us as we were in the midst of building a house and did not have the funds and to make matters worse, I had just suffered a pregnancy loss and we were just so ready to move forward with our family.
I did some digging and found out that Starbucks offered fertility benefits, so I tried to convince my husband that I would take this job, but I was already working 70+ hours a week, so that wasn’t necessarily a viable option.
We found out that we didn’t have any coverage and they were expecting us to go through 4 rounds of IVF and that would require upwards of $100,000. This was a huge blow to us.”
A short time later, I ended up losing my job and my father-in-law, helped us with a new insurance plan. Much to our surprise I went back to my OB shortly after for a DNC and he brought up the conversation of IVF. In that moment I broke down and told him we didn’t have the money, but he reviewed our policy and said that we did indeed have coverage now.
And so the rest is history. I have a daughter she will be three and a half next week and we are forever grateful for her and with our experience with loss and the struggles of infertility, we are big advocates for those in the weeds now. I’ve even joined the family business and I now educate and write policies for women across Illinois who are looking for plans that include fertility coverage. I’m often referred to as the fertility insurance guru and that’s a badge I proudly wear. I’m here for this community and want to help as many individuals and couples achieve their dreams of having a family.
How do you feel about the cost of IVF and the lack of education surrounding fertility?
Health care is expensive. I get it. But fertility treatment needs to be more accessible and there needs to be more education surrounding fertility. There are so many women like myself who find themselves at age 40 trying to figure out what options they have left when trying to start a family.
These things need to be talked about when we’re in our 20s. Why are doctors not having the conversation of egg freezing with us?
Why are they not addressing our fertility and letting us know what happens as we age and wait longer to start families?
I think it’s great that women are taking advantage of career opportunities and choosing to have kids when it’s right for them, but we need to get the healthcare providers to start sharing this valuable knowledge about fertility preservation and even offering some diagnostic testing earlier just to give us some insight into our fertility. There needs to be better education.
Overall people dealing with infertility should have more options and should be able to pursue growing their family without the financial constraints. When it comes to fertility medicine, it’s very different from the rest of the medical professions where there are no payment plans in many cases and the money is needed today. I hope to see more coverage options in the near future to help those patients who currently face paying for the entire process out of pocket. It’s really not right.
What is your number one advice for someone just starting out with IVF?
Find your tribe. I think that’s the missing piece of what I would have done differently. Find a community, a group of friends, or even strangers that you relate to. It’s important to have a support network outside of your spouse or significant other. There are so many resources available now that you can find so much of what you need by connecting with others.
I was so embarrassed to be in the groups back then, but looking back I laugh because here I am sharing my story with the world now. I was ashamed to be in the groups and to share what we were going through. I was even in therapy at this time and still didn’t feel right sharing with the outside world even if it may have been obvious to some that we might have been going through some struggles with starting a family.
I now realize how lonely that journey was and I could have had this support and shared my story. With nearly 1 in 6 struggling to conceive, it impacts so many people and there are so many that have a similar story to mine and I now see that I can have a positive impact on those around me by being open and sharing my journey.
This journey is extremely tough and at some point you will need a shoulder to cry on, so it’s important to find your tribe. You don’t have to share all the details and you can be selective in who you share with, but just make sure you surround yourself with the support network you need.
Do you feel that there has been a change in the stigma surrounding infertility these past few years?
I do! I remember not wanting to share my own story and feeling embarrassed. I felt so different from everyone else in my family. I have these cousins where we would joke they could get pregnant so easily and here I was struggling to stay pregnant and I just didn’t feel that we could relate and there was no one talking about infertility and the struggle to have kids.
It seems so different now though. People are talking about it everywhere. Celebrities are coming out about their struggles, even Kourtney Kardashian and Paris Hilton have been sharing about their IVF journeys and I feel this has started to make others feel more comfortable sharing. People are now sharing their stories at backyard barbeques and the conversation about fertility is starting to really take off. I even think about the future and the conversation I’ll be having with my own daughter. I really do think the stigma is starting to fade and I think once my daughter is old enough to have these discussions that it will be an everyday conversation and something doctors readily address.
The Stork Foundation for Infertility appreciates individuals, professionals and organizations that advocate for the larger infertility community in countless ways. Special thanks to Jen for both sharing your story and being a dependable source of knowledge for those enduring the financial stress of infertility!
