​Many people who suffer from infertility need to continue to work, whether it is because of insurance coverage or the high expense of treatments that are sometimes not covered at all.

We were fortunate in that we did have insurance coverage. However, even with insurance coverage, it has been so expensive. I don’t know how this disregard is so widely accepted and I still cannot wrap my mind around it. Even with our coverage, one year we had to pay over $14,000 in out of pocket expenses. That was with what we consider to be an excellent insurance plan for infertility.

You were working this entire time as a Clinical Psychologist and also as a Dean of a Doctoral of Psychology program, with clients, students and colleagues depending on your availability. How did pursuing infertility treatments impact your schedule? 

​It was so challenging. When I first started IVF, I was the Dean of our program. My husband and I also own a private practice and have a case load of clients that I am responsible for. Being a Dean was the best role that I could have hoped for in the academic side of my career but I had to step down from this position into another role because of the demands of infertility. It was incredibly hard to make this decision.

At one point while going through IVF treatments, I was very publicly condemned by a high-level colleague at the University I was working for because she felt I was not available enough. I was working 60+ hours a week in addition to a difficult and time-consuming commute from the suburbs to downtown Chicago. I had previously opened up to her about our infertility struggles and I shared a lot of the IVF process with her. Looking back, I think she heard me and tried to understand it, but on a practical level did not know what this process would look like day to day.

When she came down on me in such a public way, I knew from that moment on that I needed to reevaluate and make a change to keep up with the demands of my family, my career and my responsibility to students and clients, while attending all of the ever changing doctor appointments. It was really stressful, which is not helpful when going through the infertility treatments.

The process of going through IVF can be very unpredictable. How did you manage that juggle?

You cannot plan your schedule, even day by day. Whether you are doing a stimulation protocol or preparing for a transfer, the appointments change so quickly based on how your body is responding. Not only do you have to keep up with fluctuating appointments, but you cannot predict how the medication is impacting you or even the emotional toll that you carry with you constantly. I remember one time while I was at work, I was waiting for a doctor to call me with an important update on how we would be able to move forward. I could hardly focus all day with the anticipation of the call and overthinking how I would emotionally respond while being at work, right next to a male colleague, the rest of the day. I was bound to a commuter schedule so getting up and leaving was not always an option either. It consumed my thoughts and I could not focus whatsoever.

You mentioned the medication side effects. Did you ever feel like these side effects had any consequences at work?

Definitely. The medication effects your hormones and creates such a fogginess over you. People talk about being bloated and some of the physical effects, but you are also just not your normal self. I often felt very forgetful, even just struggling with finding the right words to say which is not ideal in my profession. I did not anticipate how the medications would impact me cognitively. I had to really show myself a lot of grace throughout the process.

Did many of your colleagues or co-workers know you were going through infertility or the IVF process?

I was really selective on who I shared my journey with. I told my immediate supervisor because I really felt like she needed to know so that she wouldn’t assume that I was undependable. She shared some of her own struggles which was really comforting. After opening up with her, I shared with a few other coworkers as well. After our third transfer ended in a miscarriage, I did not tell anyone else anything because the miscarriage was such a painful experience. Those people who knew I was going through IVF wanted to be supportive and checked in with me by asking how it was going. I felt obligated to share that we miscarried or update them on our process, like I needed to tie up the loose ends of our story.

​Some people who I opened up to about my miscarriage were able to sit in the pain and loss with me, but some were really not. Some people felt very uncomfortable when I told them about the miscarriage and I was tired of having these awkward conversations. I eventually found a balance of how I communicated and shared our infertility journey. I had to consider what level of detail I wanted to get into ahead of time so that I knew how others might expect me to update them further along in the process. It was really difficult to find that balance. I also know that it can be awkward on the other side, too. People genuinely want to show support but also don’t want to pry either. It is definitely a dance.